When a love affair ends or when a friend moved halfway around the world, many of us feel abandoned and suffer. In fact, the fear of being abandoned hides the fear of being alone, so you cling so emotionally dependent on others, with the inevitable result of a separation. But you can overcome the fear of being abandoned? Let’s look at the five steps take to be emotionally independent and build healthy relationships with others. Abandonment or rejection?

First we must distinguish the abandonment by the rejection, because in reality many people confuse these two situations. Abandon means to leave someone, never want to take because there is someone else or something else to do; injury in this case concerns the plan of having and doing. Refusing, however, reject means, not wanting beside him and to exclude anyone from your life. It is a very deep wound, because the person feels rejected in his whole being and its right to exist, to be.

fear-abandonment

Whoever refuses uses the expression “do not want”, while those who abandon the “can not” and c ‘is a substantial difference. Fear of abandonment is inherent in each of us from childhood when we are afraid of being abandoned by their parents, but growing up some people more than others continue to have this fear every time you tighten the bonds. This is not healthy because it leads to build relationships of emotional dependence , based on the fear of losing those we love and we do not focus instead on the beauty of giving unconditionally. So what to do?

1. The first thing to do, every time we have a fear , you give it a name and then admit his existence . Being aware helps to overcome negative situations. In the case of fear of abandonment we try to imagine ourselves to be alone and ask ourselves what we do not accept ourselves, our lives and our past. We give a name to each of these images and try to make peace with them.
2. Usually those who fear abandonment is brought to overestimate the people he holds dear and underestimate himself . For this reason, when a story ends we’re evil. Would be the case, however, also learn to look at ourselves, our quality, our positive aspects and work on it in order to have a fair exchange with each other.
3. We learn to see the end of something in a positive way and to think that if relationships end it probably is. The end of something inevitably leads to new situations , inside and outside of us, we learn to look at them!
4. Do not generalize: if someone leaves us, does not mean that everyone will be doing and if we have collected a series of drop-outs, question ourselves about what we did, too. Perhaps we sent our anxiety to be alone, stifling others? It also does not let us focus only on the bad experiences, but we also think of those relationships where perhaps we have left. Help you to be more objective.
5. Carpe diem! Do not think too much about the future, what will happen, because it will only generate anxiety and fear. We learn to enjoy what we have now , without thinking about what might take away your loved one.

If you want to deepen this issue, try reading Free your life of Lucia Giovannini and the 5 wounds and how to heal them by Lise Bourbeau.